


and i would give anything to forget

by terraven



Series: "it's lea guys--fine, axel, whatever" [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Comfort Sex, Death, M/M, brief descriptions of gore, kinda sorta I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 18:18:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10519200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terraven/pseuds/terraven
Summary: Sora was a good kid.Better than Lea deserved, honestly.





	

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry this is such a mess. this started bc my fiance was like "what if sora offered to have sex with lea because he knew he was sad about roxas" and i was like fuck, yeah, okay, why the hell not
> 
> this is a huge fucking disaster and it sucks its awful but whatever take it anyway. ill probably make this a series. titled smth stupid like "after lea becomes a somebody" idk. idfk just TAKE THIS I REWROTE THE WHOLE THING ONCE AND FIVE PARAGHRAPHS MULTIPLE TIMES KILL ME AND TAKE IT

Sora was a good kid.

Better than Lea deserved, honestly. After what he'd done, he expected cruelty, exile, and maybe even a little capital punishment (he was known to be a little over dramatic). However, Sora was nothing short of a god send: kind, understanding, and patient. If Lea was up in the middle of the night, pacing the kitchen, Sora was rubbing his eyes and slumping out of his room; asking if he was okay, did he need anything, could Sora help? If Lea was screaming from a nightmare, Sora was the first in his room, hand on his to ground him, making sure Lea knew where he was and who he was with. And if Lea started crying, just tears at the corners of his eyes, Sora was the one nodding and playing along with Lea's increasingly obvious game the minute he said “nevermind it”. Adjustment to a life as a somebody wasn't exactly what Lea had expected, but it was good, docile, and contenting—at least for the most part.

 

Lea's dreams were another story. Atop the clock tower, sea salt ice cream in hand, he sees him out of the corner of his eye. Blonde hair ruffled by the evening breeze, black cloak laying behind him, feet dangling off the edge. A familiar warmth floods through Lea, and he turns to look at him.

Roxas' face has been mangled by Heartless, his skin only barely hanging on by threads. Blood pours from his wounds, covering his cheeks, dripping down his chin with a sickly _drip, drip, drip_. Blood mats his bangs, gore splattered on his ears. His face is so torn up, moved around, and ripped apart, the only thing recognizable are those azure eyes; the trust that remains there makes Lea sick at himself. When he opens his mouth, the cuts around his lips peel open even wider, muscle on the inside being exposed more than one should ever see. “What's wrong, Lea?” he says, like that on a record, but the disc is scratched after so many plays. The player itself is broken, and the resulting noise is less a voice and more of a screech; aching, loud and too hard to hear at the same time. 

Waking from these nightmares, he is greeted by cold sweats and a shaking body. Walking into the kitchen to see Sora's face the next day only serves to make it worse, it always taking a full minute for Lea to stop seeing Roxas' disfigured maw.

 

Nonetheless living with Sora is still...nice. Sora makes him breakfast, sweet french toast and fried eggs with perfectly gooey yolks. Whenever he goes out, he brings Lea with him; to the shops, the beach, and a small cavern that Sora refers to as the Secret Place. For the first time, he can see a world the way anyone else sees it, instead of the way an Organization member sees it. He can eat the local food—Sora's messy as all hell, it turns out—and walk down to the beach. When the water kisses his toes, he feels a bittersweet smile crawl onto his face. Roxas would have liked it here.

Almost every day, Sora's friends join them at the house or on the shore. Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka are often running up to spend time Sora, Lea standing in the background, unsure of how to act with such unfamiliar people.

Kairi and Riku are the most common visitors; they bring bad movies, recipes, and sleepovers. Riku will sit on Sora's left side on the couch, Lea on his other side, Kairi next to Lea. Even though Riku treats him indifferently, mostly ignoring him during conversations, Kairi is nice. Hesitant at first, she now pulls him along with her at most opportunities; she'll take him to the beach, show him all the best places to eat, and pull him out of his own cruel thoughts should the situation arise. Her kindness is something that, at this point in his new life, he feels he wouldn't be able to live without. And even though Riku is a total ass, the amount of love he holds for Kairi and Sora is evident. Lea can see why these two are the ones Sora fought so hard to get back to, the ones he'd go to the ends of the universe for. They are Sora's true family, the loves of his life, and the people who matter to him most. The heart he isn't used to having anymore aches when Sora finally turns to him to give him that same burst of love that he shows Riku and Kairi.

 

Another sleepless night, Lea sits on the couch in the living room, the stars above Destiny Islands shining in through the open shades. He is half tempted to open the door, go lay on the ground outside. He's considering it seriously when Sora opens his door, exiting into the hallway, clearly stirred and still half asleep. Lea tries to tell himself he's not staring, but he can't help it; Sora is damn attractive. His shorts are just a little too tight, showing off the ass that those parachute pants usually hide, his sleep shirt too big and hanging off one shoulder. He rubs his eye with one hand, the other one half way down the back of his underwear, and Lea thinks it should be wrong for Sora's relaxed and vulnerable state to cause something in his boxers stir.

“What's up…?” Sora asks, coming around to the front of the couch to look at his friend. “Is everything okay?”

Lea shakes his head, waving his hand. “Couldn't sleep.” Sora nods at that, turning around and falling backward onto the cushion next to Lea.

“I had the weirdest dream,” Sora mumbles, yawning afterward. Lea turns to him, nodding for his friend to keep going. “I was just...wandering through Twilight Town. I felt blank, emotionless. Like...I didn't even know who I was.” Lea blanches as he begins to understand what exactly it is Sora's describing, yet finds himself unable to interrupt the other. “I kept falling down and staring at my hands. It was like...I didn't know how to walk. I didn't even know how to function.” Sora lifted his legs onto the couch and pulled them to his chest. “I've never felt so...hopeless. I don't even know if that's how to describe it. Could I even feel hopeless? If I was so empty?”

“Sora, that's...” Lea took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have, but if he could provide answers for Sora where he failed with Roxas, he might be able to sleep a little better at night. “That was the beginning of Roxas' life.” 

Sora's eyes widen, and he chews on his lip as he looks down, suddenly very interested in his knees. He buries his chin between them as his eyes flicker to Lea. “Do you think about him a lot?”

Lea winces. Sora apologizes, promising not to ask again; in his heart, he knows the damage is already done.

That night, he dreams of Roxas again. He's faced away from Lea, but he can hear him crying; when Lea tries to touch him, his hands go right through him. Roxas's voice has that same broken, pained tone to it as he whispers, “I thought he loved me. I thought he loved me. Why doesn't he love me.” Instinctively, Lea knows the _“he”_ Roxas is talking about is him. He tries to yell, to tell Roxas he _does_ love him; more than anything in the world, more than he is truly able to process with a heart so new; no matter how he stresses his vocal cords, nothing comes out. Meanwhile, Roxas remains with his back toward him, and his voice raises in volume. His crying morphs into outright screaming, his head thrown back, eyes and mouth to the sky. Roxas sounds like someone tore his heart out from behind his rib cage and left his chest cavity open for birds to pick at. 

Lea reaches up to cover his ears, unable to take the screeching, but it only serves to make Roxas louder. He is now bent over, seemingly in pain, tears forming small puddles on the floor beneath him. Through the screams, he is gasping for breath, suffocating on his own sadness. The words _“whyhimwhyhimwhyhim”_ begin to form, filling Lea's head until there is no silence even in the darkest crevices of his mind.

 

When it happens, it is three weeks from the time Sora dreamed about Roxas' life. It is mid-afternoon, around 3'o clock. They have had a lazy day of still wearing their p.j.'s, with leftovers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with neither of them hardly getting up off the couch. Neither Riku nor Kairi came over; Lea supposed maybe they actually had jobs or lives or something like that.

After his third can of soda, Lea picks up the remote and flips through the channels, shaking his head at the same channels coming up again and again— “Fuckin' islands,” he curses, dropping the remote and putting his arm over his eyes. “There's like, no good service.”

Sora shrugs, coming back from the kitchen with two ice creams. “I dunno, I don't really watch T.V.,” he says, sitting on the opposite chair and sticking one ice cream in his mouth. “If it bothers you that much, I can see if Riku can help. His house gets really good reception.”

The mention of Riku makes Lea furrow his brow, and without looking at Sora, he reaches down to grab the remote to turn off the T.V. off. “Nah, doesn't matter.” he sits up then, leaning back against the couch, eyes closed. “Whatcha got there?” Sora perks up, leaning forward to hand a popsicle to Lea.

“Sea salt ice cream!” he says, and the redhead's eyes fly open. “I've only had it like, once. It was...weird. But, anyway,” he pushes the ice cream in front of his friend's face. “I feel like you'll like it.”

Lea swallows thick and takes the ice cream. He stares at it, fixated on the creamy blue color, the smooth texture. Sora, in the background, is happily licking his share, lost in the salty-sweetness of the treat. Lea diverts his eyes from the ice cream to Sora, and once more, his entire reality is shaken; he looks just like Roxas, eating that ice cream, making a funny face every now and again because of the odd flavor. When he suddenly stops and closes his eyes, crying out, _“Brain freeze!”_ , in an almost identical way to the former Key of Destiny, it rocks Lea so hard he drops his stick of the cold treat. When it falls to the coffee table, Sora immediately shows concern. The line of his lips, pushed forward in a way that is reminiscent of a pout, eyebrows pushed together with concern, Lea doesn't need to look in a mirror to know he probably looks insane, ice cream on the glass top, tears in his eyes. “Lea…?” Sora starts, leaning forward, his hand holding the ice cream lowering to his side. “Is everything okay…?”

Lea, momentarily frozen, snaps back to reality and shakes his head, laughing halfheartedly, a sound that he knows is pathetic the minute it leaves his mouth. “What? Kid, I'm fine,” he says, pushing Sora's worrying hand away. When he continues to resist, Lea bites out, “ _What_ , Sora?” and immediately regrets it. Sora's hurt is evident in his eyes, and the other bites his lip, pressing his hand to his forehead. “I...I use to eat these.” At Sora's questioning look, he continues. “With...Roxas.”

Understanding rushed into Sora's features and he immediately picked up both ice creams. “Jeez, Lea—I—” he was throwing them in the trash before Lea got another word in, chewing at his fingernails while he stared at them in the bin. Lea could see the wheels turning in his head; it didn't take long to recognize when Sora was thinking.

“Listen, it's fine,” the former Organization member says, as the keyblade wielder comes back to sit in the living room. “You didn't know. Really.”

“You miss him a lot, don't you,” Sora says, less a question, more a fact. Lea runs a hand through his hair and nods, his gaze drifting elsewhere. It was hard to look anybody in the eyes when you felt so vulnerable. “I could help you feel closer to him.”

Lea gives him a sideways look, scoffing. “Oh yeah? How's that?”

“I just—want to help,” Lea cocks a brow at Sora's good-natured attempt to make this sound any less promiscuous. “And...maybe...this could help you feel closer to Roxas.” as he says this, he places a hand on Lea's thigh, leaning in to get his face closer to Lea's.

No way was this happening. Sora, the keyblade wielder, was not making a pass at him. His face beginning to match his hair, Lea clears his throat and pushes out, “You're ah, kidding, right?” Sora's blue eyes continue to bore into Lea, and he scoots backwards a bit, yet neglecting to push Sora's hand away. “You, uhm, you really don't have to do that, you know.”

“I want to!” he insists, not quite catching the hint, and leaning toward Lea even more. “I want—to help you! I want you to feel close to Roxas! I want to do this.” He moved his hand higher up Lea's thigh, more like half way at this point. “If. You want to.”

 

If you told Lea when he woke up this morning that Sora would be straddling him, holding kisses like he was starving for them, the former would call you crazy. However, tan hands grasping at his collarbone seemed to argue, as he gripped Sora's hip with one hand, the other gripping his left thigh. Sora kissed like he was dying and you held all the elixir that would save him, clung like if he didn't he'd fall to his death, and looked at you with half open eyes with such sincere trust that it made your knees buckle.

They are in Lea's room, the sheets slightly rumpled under their slow shifting forms. Sora lifts his shirt up over his head, and Lea gets a good look at what swinging a heavy metal key at monsters for two years comes with. Sora is all lean stomach and toned muscle, scars scattering across his body like small constellations; they cover his arms and torso, varying in shape and size. The blinds are only half open, the evening sun of Destiny Islands casting a rose glow over his exposed body, presenting him in a way that seems almost ethereal. Lea wants to touch him, to spread his fingers over Sora's chest, and splay him apart. In his mind, he decides to do just that by the end of this exchange.

For now, he moves his hands toward the small of Sora's back and pulls him forward, their lips meeting once more. He keeps one hand there, and uses the other hand to help push himself up. Sora grabs hold of Lea's face, gently, kissing with more insistence, licking Lea's lower lip until he slowly opens his mouth.

Sora's more than Lea was expecting. As he moves his tongue into Lea's mouth, it becomes increasingly clear that this is more than he signed up for. Sora breaks apart for just a moment, tugging on Lea's shirt in a clear request for it to be removed. Sora moves off of his lap as Lea is peeling his hoodie from his body; when the red hair finally emerges from the clothing, Sora is pushing his pants off, and moving back onto the bed.

“Little eager, aren't we?” Lea teases, crawling forward, Sora laughing sheepishly as he lays down, Lea moving over him.

“I, uh, can't help it,” he says, looking up at Lea. “I'm...kinda turned on.” The way he says it, so hesitant yet ready, excitement lingering behind his words, is enough to make Lea want to pin him down right there; luckily, he does have a bit of self control. He kisses Sora again, harder this time, and gets a small gasp out of it: a treasure, in his eyes. As he slips a hand down the back of Sora's boxers, he decides that getting lost in his friend's form is the best way to spend the evening.

 

Under him, Sora gasps, grabbing at his arm for purchase, a way to ground himself to earth. Lea's fingers fuck into Sora, one, then two, spreading him open, his rim burning. He lets go of Lea's arm and favors his own instead, pressing his cheek into his own shoulder, eyes shut tight so as not to meet Lea's and make an absolute fool of himself while he's moaning. The older man takes note of this and leans next to Sora's ear to whisper, “What's wrong? Don't wanna look at me, Sora?” He presses his fingers deeper into the boy underneath him, earning himself a soft whine, Sora's face turning red.  
Sora originally came up with this idea because he thought it might give Lea some closure. He had heard his friend's cries in the middle of the night, pained shouts of _“Roxas,”_ and _“Please, god, no,”_ , the way he sometimes looked at Sora, far off like he wasn't really seeing _him_. He had hoped he'd have more time to plan, but when he messed up with that sea salt ice cream...he felt that Lea needed this now more than ever.

What he had not prepared himself for was how _good_ Lea was at this. He spreads his fingers inside of Sora and the hero groans, pressing back against them. Lea smirks, pulling his fingers back, so tips of his fingers are all that remain inside of him. Whining, Sora raises his hips slightly, the fingers sliding in just so, and he makes this little noise, sort of like a gasp and not exactly a moan. It pulls on something in Lea, and he nips Sora's ear just on the side of too hard, letting this deep breath out in one go. Mustering self control, he whispers, “God, you're fucking hot.”

Sora makes an 'mph' sound and turns his head back to face Lea, his cheeks tinted red, his eyes blown out with lust. The sight is enough to give Lea a god damned hernia; is this what Riku feels all hours of the day? He presses his lips to Sora's, who seems to appreciate it, because he pushes back just as hard, spreading his legs wider, biting against Lea's lower lip. When Lea pulls back, Sora mutters, “Lea,” his attention caught, he ducks down to suck a deep mark onto Sora's neck.

“You think you're ready, baby?” he asks, pressing into that spot in Sora, the one that makes the kid clench around him, a soft cry coming from his lips as he nods dazedly. 

Lea sits up and slides his pants the rest of the way off. Next come the boxers, which leave him completely naked once they hit the floor. When he turns back to Sora, the tanned boy has turned over onto his stomach, his pelvis raised slightly in the air, rear completely exposed. Lea can see it's slick and open, his fingers inside just moments ago. He groans, the thought, _“How is he even real?”_ crossing his mind before he raises up on his knees, one hand bracing himself beside Sora's head, the other holding the base of his cock. He presses the head against Sora's open hole, licking his lips before stating, “I'm gonna go in.” He waits until Sora nods, and then applies pressure.

Sora is tighter than Lea's felt before. He hopes it's because Sora's gone a good amount of time sans touching himself, and not because Sora's a virgin (which is one of Lea's biggest fears here). Sora's face is buried in Lea's pillows, his hands gripping them tightly, unwilling to let go lest he lose his tether to the world. The sight makes Lea's dick twitch, which he might have thought was his imagination, had Sora not whined, pushing his hips back. Lea grabs Sora's hip, effectively stopping any movement, much to the other's discontent. “Slow down, baby,” he whispers. “Don't wanna blow the show before it even really starts, do you?” Little protest comes from Sora, and Lea takes that as a safe cue to start moving again.

He moves his hand back from Sora's hip to his own base again, slowly guiding himself into the darker skinned male. Sora's legs twitch a bit, and his grip on the pillows above his head grow tighter, but aside from that, he remains still. “Good boy,” Lea mutters, his hips moving forward, his dick about half way into Sora now. Underneath him, another whine is heard, and Lea preens himself on his choice of words. Clearly they were good ones.

When Lea's dick is three quarters of the way in Sora, he stops to take a breather. Sora's so tight, hot in all the right places, suffocating in a way that makes you feel serene. The way he's been arching his back the entire time just shows Lea even further that the kid's body is a fucking dream, and one he isn't looking to wake up from any time soon. After a couple minutes, Sora's starting to get antsy again, so Lea swallows the golf ball sized lump in his throat, and pushes in the last little bit, until his balls slap against Sora's, and his crotch is snug against the other's ass.

It's better than he imagined. It's soft, like velvet, hugging Lea in all the right ways. His shaft is entirely covered, and he can feel every ragged breath Sora lets out. His head is tucked in some small cavern, in a place it never wants to leave, comfortable and very sure it's wanted. He has to close his eyes to gather his thoughts, unable to process anything clearly while staring at Sora's sweaty, shaking back.

This is what Roxas would have felt like. He's sure of it. The thought makes him move forward, just slightly, and when Sora makes a sound, like _“oh”_ Lea grips the sheet so hard it rips where his index's fingernail meets cloth. He's _this_ close to losing control.

Sora's full, so full. He's pressed down into the mattress by his hips, his mouth open, panting into the cerise fabric. It feels good, having Lea inside of him. It feels like something he's supposed to have, some sort of instinct in the bottom of his being. If he were more clear headed, he might consider it something to do with Roxas still being part of him; but as it were, his mind is too foggy and occupied with lust to realize obvious things.

When Lea pulls out, slow, he does so to the point where the head of his penis is kissing Sora's rim. Filled with anticipation, Sora braces himself for the impact; though as he comes to find, nothing can prepare him for how _good_ it feels to be full again, even if it doesn't last long.

Lea's all long lines and sharp edges, with pointed hips and broad shoulders. Because of this he easily covers Sora, hovering over him, his shadow completely engulfing the islander. His hips are rhythmic, slowly pulling out of Sora, then with soft, gentle force, pressing back in. Through a moan, Sora gasps out, “Faster,” and Lea is all too happy to comply. He brings speed, his pelvis meeting Sora's more often, and he adds force by his own accord. Sora's breathy “Lea,” has Lea groaning, and with renewed passion he begins to fuck Sora with earnest.

Sora is unable to form anything in his head other than _LeaLeaLea_ , reaching backward to grab at Lea's arms, pulling him down. Lea complies, pressing his chest to Sora's back and softly moaning at the skin-to-skin contact. It is so mundane, given his cock is disappearing in and out of Sora at a previously unthinkable rate, and yet so personal, so— _close_. When Sora arches his back, his head flying backward, crying out, “Ah—yes!” Lea leans down to bite at the tan shoulder, reveling in the noise that comes out of the body underneath him. 

His hips begin to stutter as he reaches his limit; at the last minute, he considers pulling out, in favor of jacking himself off, and finishing on Sora's back. If so, when he came, it would shoot up Sora's back, surely coming to pool at the small of it, his back dimples filling with white. As tempting as the thought is, leaving the pliant body he's currently inside of seems less satisfying; he instead opts to reach around Sora's body with the hand not currently holding himself up to cover the younger's cock.

He starts at the base and moves up quickly, establishing a steady rhythm to jack Sora off with the added help of fucking him forward. When Sora is mewling, calling out for _more, please,_ Lea raises his hips just a little higher, angling for the spot he knows will make him whine.

Once he reaches it, made obvious by the higher pitched moans, hands reaching up to grab Lea's hair, he fucks Sora deeper. He has his head back so far it's hitting Lea's chin, gasping for breath, arms shaking; when he spreads his legs just a little wider, Lea thrusts up and fills him, the resulting cry almost enough to get the taller going again.

His face buried in the pillow, Sora cries when he shoots his cum, dirtying the sheet underneath him even worse than it was before. Tears streak down his cheeks in waves, his heart aching with a pain he's felt only few times before, but in a new form. It's like ripping open an old wound, and thinking you can handle the pain, only to realize too late that you can't. When Lea removes his fingers, Sora feels his heart go with them, and he continues to shake until Lea gets worried, grabbing Sora's shoulders immediately and pulling him up to sit in his lap.

“Sora? Kid?” Lea's got Sora's face in his hands, trying to make him meet his eyes. He bites his lip and begins to kiss the tears away, as Sora buries himself into Lea's arms. Continued attempts to get an explanation out of him don't work, and eventually Lea gives up. When he finally gets Sora to calm down, he peppers his neck with soft, gentle kisses, reassurances slipping from his lips. Seeing Sora cry makes Lea's heart throb. 

The more time they spend curled into each other, the stronger they hold on. When one of them gets up to go to the bathroom, the other is anxious, worried he won't come back. A pain, deep and still bleeding has blossomed in the bottom of each of their hearts. They are willing to attempt a weak fix with each other's love.


End file.
